Gin Spirits
About Gin
Gin is a distilled, neutral spirit made from grains (usually wheat or rye), cereals, natural sugars and other carbohydrates. It is distilled at least twice, first in a continuous still to neutralize the flavor, then a second time in a pot still with any number and variety of flavoring agents.
These botanicals commonly include cardamom, licorice, caraway, ginger, cinnamon, anise, angelica, lemon and orange peel, cassia bark, orris (iris) root, bergamot and cocoa. However, the evergreen juniper berry gives gin its signature flavor.
Fast Facts About Gin
Gin was created in Holland in about 1650 to treat stomach complaints.
The name gin comes from the word for juniper (genievre).
The Dutch worker called the ?sniffer? saw to it that returned gin jugs were not soiled.
Some claim England's love affair with gin began when British soldiers brought back the "Dutch courage" from Holland.
Others ascribe England's gin appreciation to the ascent of Dutchman William of Orange to their throne. He hindered the import of liquor from all countries but Holland, especially targeting his enemy France's brandy. He also gave English citizens the right to brew their own gin with an easily procured permit.
By the 1720's one in four houses in London was producing and/or selling gin partially due to the fact that it was safer to drink than the water. Public drunkenness was a problem to say the least. By 1751 legislation was put into place to end this "gin madness".
The term "London Dry Gin" originated to distinguish itself from the sweet variety. Since dry gin was more highly distilled, the sweeteners added to mask impurities were no longer needed.
Foreigners drank tonic water while visiting the tropics because it contains quinine, a cure for malaria. Mixing it with gin helped make this ?tonic? easier to swallow; thus a beautiful partnership was formed.
The "cocktail hour" may have come from the British fondness for cooling off after a hot day in the tropics by drinking a gin and tonic.
A number of gins are 90+ proof (compared to most commercial vodkas at 80). Check each brand's label to determine the strength.
Sloe gin includes the flavoring of the small plum-like sloe berry. The term "sloe-eyed beauty" also comes from this fruit.
In England, gin is also known as Schiedam and Hollands.
"Bathtub gin" became popular during the depression because it didn't have to be inconveniently oak-cask aged as other spirits did.
[archaic geneva, from Du. from O.Fr. from Lat.,=juniper], spirituous liquor distilled chiefly from fermented cereals, malted and unmalted, and flavored with juniper berries. It originated in Holland (thus the name Hollands, or Holland, gin) but is now manufactured also in other countries, chiefly England and the United States. A type of gin developed in England is known as London gin; it is more highly distilled than Holland gin. Dry gin has been highly rectified. Old Tom gin is sweetened for use as a liqueur. Sloe gin is flavored with fresh sloes instead of juniper.
Gin Quotes
- Mark Twain - A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain - There is no end to the laws, and no beginning to the execution of them.
- Oscar Wilde - The Book of Life begins with a man and woman in a garden, and it ends with Revelations.
- Oscar Wilde - Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
- Oscar Wilde - In love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others, that is what the world calls romance.
Gin Jokes
BEE IN A VAGINA
BEE IN A VAGINA
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming 'Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina'. The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit'. The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said 'OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said 'Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it'. So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, 'I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper'. So the doctor went deeper and deeper.
After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself; he then put his hands on the young ladies breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. 'Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing' he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied 'Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard'.
BRAGGING DAD GOLFERS
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and
the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so
successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a
multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new
Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a
stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire
stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care
of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our
sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar.
I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last
three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock
portfolio.
GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS LEARN WHILE AGING
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take
time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking
how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of
every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home
a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly
car payment is due.
6. Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
7. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
9. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the
facts.
10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie
your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're
down there.
On A Bottle of apple juice:
----------------------------
Plastic bottle
Excellent source of vitamin C
LIKE A VIRGIN
This guy goes to work on friday and is telling his friend about a
hot date he was going on later that night. His friend asks: you think
you'll get some? And the guy says, Oh for sure.
Later in the day the guy was climbing the ladder and fell and racked
his dick really hard. His friend took him to the doctor and the doctor
said "Well we'll have to put a splint on that."
That night on his date he was a little worried about the splint
when the girl started to undress. She looked at him and said "Whats wrong?
The guy said "Oh nothing. The girl said, "Its ok, just watch."
As she took off her blouse she said "See these? They have never been
touched by human hands but my own. Then she took off her pants and said,
"See this? Its never been touched by human hands but my own."
The guy said "Great!" and pulled off his pants and said "See this, its
still in the crate."
HOW SHIT ORIGINALLY HAPENS
In the beginning, there was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
The employees told their supervisors: "It's a crock of shit and it stinks!"
The supervisors then told the department heads: "It's a pail of dung,
and none may abide by the odor."
The deaprtment heads then told the managers: "It's a container of
excrement, and it is very strong such that none may smell it."
The managers then told the director: "It is a vessel of fertilizer,
and none may abide by its strength."
The director then told the VP: "It contains that which aids plant
growth, and it is very strong."
The VP told the Executive-VP: "It promotes growth, and it is very
powerful."
The Executive-VP told the President: "It is very strong and will
promote growth and efficiency of the system."
And the President reviewed the plan, and said: "This is good."
And the plan became policy.
And this is how shit happens.