Beer Spirits
About Beer
Beer is one of the oldest known alcoholic beverages, with evidence that it was brewed in ancient Egypt, China, Europe and pre-Columbian cultures. Its principle ingredients are water, hops, yeast and grain including oats, wheat, corn, rice and most often barley. One theory suggests that beer was the earliest form of bread. If so, shouldn't beer then be dubbed "the staff of life"?
Steps in the beer-making process:
Malting: Grain is soaked in water so it can sprout.
Mashing/sparging: The malt is heated and rotated to convert its starch into sugar. Straining yields the "wort".
Boiling and hopping: The wort is boiled with hops in a copper or stainless steel vessel. The mixture is cooled and then?
Fermentation: Yeast is added, converting the sugar to alcohol and carbon dioxide. When it's removed, the resulting product is beer. (There may be a second fermentation or carbon dioxide may be added.)
Filtering: The beer is put in cold storage and filtered before it's kegged
Fast Facts About Beer
Its origins are lost somewhere in the stone age, long before history was recorded. Anthropologists can only guess how it happened, and their guesswork goes something like this: once, in the camp of some nomadic hunter-gatherers, there was a supply of wild grain, painstakingly collected for food. Somehow, possibly in a sudden rainstorm, a pool of warm water formed where the grain was stored. In a short time the grain fermented, turning the water into a thick dark liquid. Some adventurous soul among these primitive people sampled the liquid, and found that it tasted good.
Man had discovered beer. From that time to the present, beer has been an important part of life in virtually every society on earth. It was brewed by the ancient Babylonians and Egyptians and Chinese. It has been used in religious rituals, depicted on coins, honored in epic sagas. Through all the centuries, in moments of triumph and celebration and fellowship, no drink has contributed more to man's enjoyment than beer.
This slide show offers cultural curiosities, strange customs, and little-known facts drawn from the history of beer and brewing. We present them here because we want more people to learn about beer's long and distinguished heritage. And because America's brewers are proud to continue the great tradition of beer.
Due to the poor quality of water in days of old, alcohol was often the safest beverage.
Breweries were established in Massachusetts Bay, Rhode Island and Manhattan during the 1630s.
Pre 1700, every fourth building in New Amsterdam was said to have been a taproom or brew house, setting the precedent for the high concentration of bars in Manhattan today.
In part, Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock because their beer supply was dwindling. An entry of pilgrim William Bradford's diary reads: "We had called on God for direction, we came to this resolution, to go presently ashore again? for we could not now take time for further search or consideration, our victuals being much spent, especially our beer."
Suds were served at the first Thanksgiving celebration.
Until Louis Pasteur recognized yeast as a living creature, brewers relied on airborne varieties to activate their brews. Or one batch of beer could be used to start another.
The hops used in beer production are related to nettles.
Beer usually contains between 3% - 6% alcohol.
Lager vs Ale
While the term ale used to refer to beer brewed without yeast, today the difference between ale and lager is in the yeast as well as length and temperature of fermentation.
Lager is fermented slowly at a low temperature with yeast that sinks, and it's aged longer. Ale is fermented more quickly at a warmer temperature and has fruitier, hoppier and more bitter and floral flavors.
Porter and Stout
These darker, richer brews can be either dry or sweet. Oats and malted barley are some of the additives used to provide depth of flavor.
Beer Quotes
- W C Fields - I never drank anything stronger than beer, before I was twelve.
- George Bernard Shaw - I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler, I don't like beer
- Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
- Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
- If life on Earth were to evaporate, and the planet be visited by alien anthropologists, they will wonder at the regularity with which they find brown bottles and aluminum cans in the hollow spaces of concrete walls, and they will conclude that these artifacts represent some sort of offering to some kind of deity with the short name "Beer" and they will discover that the delphic oracle for this God was no doubt a place called "Milwaukee" since it will be there that they will find where most of the icons to this God were created.
Beer Jokes
FREE BEER
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of
pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face
while doing it. SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with a sore
tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's
a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things
right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You
have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and they get
crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez
zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands,
and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear
the most frightning roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and
big scratches all over his body.
"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
STOCK PRICES AND BEER
Something to think about...
If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.
$1000 worth of Broadvision is now worth $22.
$1000 worth of JDSU is now worth $52.
$1000 worth of Merrill's B2B Holders is now worth $52.
Now consider this:
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.
Just a thought. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
ALL BEER DIET
> THE "BEER ME" DIET
>
>
> FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost
> all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure
> carbohydrates.
>
> FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of
> 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose
the
> medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me"
> diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women,
> and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
>
> FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the
water
> to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent
> workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the
chair),
> fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the
case may
> be).
>
> FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you
> aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to
help any
> problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation,
> counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you
may
> experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you
wake
> up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly
> additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
>
> FACT: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just
one
> day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will
certainly
> want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to
help
> prevent heart attacks.
>
> FACT: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want.
The
> only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have
> consumed at least half of the day's required beers. This way
> the food will probably only stay in your body a short time,
until
> you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this
time,
> the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
>
> FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms
of
> exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to
> build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex.
If you
> really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up
> to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the
extreme,
> you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps
someone
> who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
>
> FACT: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig. Based on these
facts,
> let's run through a given scenario for diet implementation.
>
> CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted
> during the work week by only the staunchest of dieters.
>
> MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat junk food and basically be a
slob.
>
> FRIDAY: Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock
up.
> Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin the
consumption
> process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
>
> SATURDAY: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day,
> feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you
may
> have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef
> jerky from 7-11). Take aspirin. Notice that you have
absolutely
> no interest in food, anyway.
>
> SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite
has
> still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your
consumption
> goal due to an ongoing discussion with "the dog that bit
you."
> This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less
than
> 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry.
>
> SUNDAY (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a
very
> convenient diet during football season, but it can be
> successfully implemented year-round. There is some major
> professional sport being played every day of the year except
> the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star
game
> (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be paced
to
> cover the entire day-you don't want to peak too soon. Again
> you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all
the
> time.
> Don't forget the aspirin.
>
> MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and
> surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin
preparation
> for the upcoming weekend.
>
> Happy dieting!!!
BRAIN CELLS AND BEER
The Buffalo Theory
------------------
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest
buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,
we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR BEER
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: You're drinking lite beer.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves, or
switch to full strength ale.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.